Tuesday 29 August 2017

The Devourer Below

Daisy stood on a muddy path in the dark of a moonless night before a creepy wood. Luckily she was wearing a smart dress as otherwise she might have felt scared and defenceless. With her were her two partners in evil fighting - Roland Banks who they had dragged out of the mental asylum an hour before. He was giggling whilst playing Russian Roulette with his gun. She hoped it wasn't loaded but who knew? Also there was a sulky Skids. He appeared to be less than pleased with his promotion from bum to 'person that we need to reply on as Roland keeps losing it' but come the hour come the ex-con.

Further back could be heard their gaggle of reinforcements. Daisy had asked for help from Chrisopher her infatuated friend, the red haired whore bitch - Or Lita as she preferred to be called a large guard dog purchased, or stolen, by Skids and his friend a dodgy criminal Daisy had no intention of recognising.

Still this needed doing…

They strode unconfidently into the woods and soon decided to do the 'Scooby Doo' and split up. Daisy and Christopher wandered up some paths until she noted a cultist face mask on the floor. Hurrying to investigate she failed to notice Christopher stammering 'gggggggggggoooaat' which seemed a strange thing to say until she looked up and say a humanoid goat thing carrying a very sharp knife next to her. She reacted instantly and dived into her encyclopaedia. The damned creature stabbed her. Furious now she endeavoured to hit it repeatedly with a book. Bar some head bruising this did not seem successful and by now she was covered with blood and what was worse it was hers. Just about to collapse she had the presence of mind to trip the wailing (and useless) Christopher into the path of some hands before Skids ran in and distracted the beast long enough to leave.

"Thanks", she gasped as she applied a bandage," that was"

With a thud a large rock hit her on the head and she collapsed

Skids cursed but now was not the time to faff about. Roland seemed on the edge of madness and he was facing two more of the goatmen and what looked like their bigger uglier cousin. His arrival helped and Roland quickly dispatched the two littler goats with the sterling help of Lita. Between the two of them they finished off the bigger creature before collapsing exhausted.

Lita kicks arse and still looks hot...

Things were not going particularly swimmingly. Daisy was out for the count and needed a hospital. Roland and Lita were both almost gone and they had hardly any information to discover the location of the cultists ceremony. That rapidly became irrelevant as it appeared instantly obvious that they were too late and the biggest nastiest thing Skids had ever seen appeared in a close glade.

Roland's hair went white as he saw what they had to fight next

"Oh so that’s what we were supposed to stop", said Roland before whispering to Skids, "tell you what why not push Lita that way, we can get away whilst its distracted eating her"

Beyond the shocking change of heart Skids could not help hearing the dissonant voice of Daisy in his head and he was not sure he could face the nagging if he didn’t at least have ago.  So instead of giving Roland the chance he charged in to the fight. It proved difficult. Very quickly his guard dog and best friend were dead and Roland and Lita on their last legs when they did it. They beat the horrid nasty back to whatever dimension it crawled out from. The victory was perhaps short lived as the stress of it all pushed Roland, Skids and Lita over the edge of madness. This mattered less to Skids and Lita as they also collapsed unconscious with the trauma of it all.

Two weeks later. Daisy winced as she adjusted her bandages. She was on her way to visit her colleagues. All three were locked up in the asylum and she did not think they would be getting out soon. Still Lita was much easier to feel superior too when wearing a strait jacket and Skids was kept forcibly clean so she could breathe easy in his presence. The terror in the town had gone. Along with Roland's house. But she had done her bit and she was sure that if they had half a brain they would have all recognised how it was her sterling work that had helped them to victory. An odd visit once a year was worth it for that.

The boys were kept subdued for their own safety and the safety of other inmates at the happy homes arkham asylum.

Saturday 26 August 2017

The Night of the Zealot - The Midnight Masks

With no time to settle they were rushed off to the center of Arkham. Lita had 'something' important to do - from the way the boys were studying her backside Daisy hoped it was pebble-dashing based.  Something felt vaguely wrong about randomly kidnapping and killing several of the towns most prominent citizens but what the hell. She looked to the men to see how they intended going about things.


"Okay, Mrs Chandler"

"definitely a Miss"

"stated they are recognisable by masks, therefore they need to buy them somewhere how about we start by looking for sources for these masks?"

"what, deer, you want to  us to stake out deer in case some psycho kills them for their heads?", Roland responded trying, and failing, to look intelligent

"…that would be a wonderful idea if we had a few months. How about"

"the graveyard and the morgue", Skids was to the point

"are the dead center of town", Daisy tittered at one of her favourite jokes, "people are DYING to get in?"

Skids processing a non-joke

The silence drew out as Skids and Roland attempted to process levity in a situation of extreme stress and failed.

"the ghouls are eating bodies right? Since vast numbers of alive people aren't turning into dead people", Skids continued

"yet", Roland helpfully interjected

"so they are getting the bodies from somewhere and both those locations could provide easy ways to access said items"

Daisy decided to ignore the fact Skids has used the vocabulary 'said items' and the even more astounding use of valid logical deduction to run with a reasonable plan.

"That…seems correct. Good idea? Whose that?"

A man in a KKK type cowl had strode into the square and started to declaim. Roland shot him.

"Let's hope he wasn't rehearsing a play"

The group split to try and gather information which was remarkably easy to find. One of Daisy's fellow librarians had noticed a university Professor withdrawing several books on cultist behaviour and worse. Not returning them on time. A sure sign of a warped individual. The local undertaker had been seen digging tunnels all over the graveyard for no discernible reason and a mutant had been locked up at the asylum for eating people. Finally the owner of a rubbishly named shop the 'curiositie shoppe' (Daisyhad to be physically prevented from re-writing the shop sign) had noticed much interested from the wealthy art collector Victoria Devereux in several skull masks. After joining to collate their information (and to execute the odd weirdo in a mask - several seemed to be about) they set out their further plan.

Daisy is a class above any red haired tarts

Daisy announced she would confront the Professor and the Collector. Neither sounded particularly 'violent' and she knew she could talk the language of books and collections intimately plus was dressed impeccably whereas Skids and Roland weren't. Skids decided to visit the hospital (St Mary's) especially once he discovered the mortician was apparently a bit of a hotty. Daisy frowned at this but at least Lita appeared to have disappeared so the boys were less inclined to dribble. Roland felt a big strapping man was needed to deal with the undertaker and the mutant so with all their tasks set they were about to turn to go when they suddenly noticed a man wearing an animal mask silhouetted against an exit and that he was carrying a meat cleaver which made it an original look. The three companions stopped and stared.  Roland slowly pulled his gun out sighted and fired. It hit the man in the chest and he laughed. The three looked at each other and then back at the man.

"Well, time for me to pop down the University!", Daisysmiled cheerfully and ran off in the other direction.

The man reacted to this and charged forward and a bloody fight so ensured. He seemed to have an extremely large capacity at soaking up damage and when two more of the kkk dressed cultists arrived Skids started to worry if they had bitten off more than they could chew. That made him hungry so letting Roland distract the combatants by being a nice big target he slipped sideways and reached into his greatcoat pocket for a nice sandwich. Unfortunately he had already eaten it and forgotten and instead drew out a stick of dynamite. He looked at it then at the scene before him lit it said 'f**ck it* and chucked it forward. The explosion was colossal both minor cultists were wiped out instantly leaving bloody smears across the pavement. The hunter staggered but was obviously showing signs of wearing down. Both Roland and Skids were also hurt but not crippled.  Roland staggered over, 'give us some warning next time. I've just heard on the local police radio - another cultist is at the asylum - one of the leaders. Tell you what you deal with him and I'll go get the  mutant and wipe this other as well' He then ran off before he could be argued with.

oops out of ammo

Skids would have been irritated but he had no time to consider as the Hunter waded in cleaver flying. "Oh my God look at the rack on that!", he shouted saying the only thing that would have distracted him. Fortunately it appeared to work as the hunter peered behind him giving Skids just enough time to stab him in the neck from behind.  "YES" he yelled fist in the air then realised that not only was he on his own but that he was surrounded by corpses holding a bloody knife. Creeping back he turned and left at a sprint for the hospital.

An hour or so later they all rendezvoused their missions had been surprisingly easy Skids had assisted the lovely mortician in escaping the cultists clutches and Daisy had persuaded the Professor that the cult was not a harmless practical experiment in local colour and the Collector that the authorities were closing in. Roland had beaten the mutant  and at 11:30 this meant. Daisy looked round, " hold on who was dealing with the undertaker?"

Skids looked sharply at Roland.

Daisy cursed. Neither boy looked up to much though the attempt had to be made. Roland set off at a run but the sight of the graveyard proved too much for his fragile mental health and he collapsed in a heap crying again. Skids though was exceptional getting both too the graveyard whilst evading a head cultist on the way. They left fast just before the clock reached twelve they had succeeded and no thanks to that tart Lita who had failed to turn up all evening. Probably couldn’t decide which skimpy outfit to wear Daisy decided.

how Skids imagined Lita in his head

Thursday 3 August 2017

The Night of the Zealot - The Gathering

The meeting was boring and Daisy was used to meetings about the Dewey decimal system. Skids kept interjecting stupid little comments and she valiantly ignored them right up until he suddenly claimed the door has disappeared. She gave it to him both barrels at that point until she realised that the door had indeed disappeared.

Daisy, showing studious concern the door appears to have gone..

This was disconcerting, almost as disconcerting as Skids reaction which was a gut failure of epic proportions that formed a shroud of doom within the room. If nothing else disappearing doors and random chanting in a suburban house tends to concentrate the mind wonderfully and the group set to this new puzzle with a vengeance eventually discovering the door in the floor - and why not!.  The rest of the house was almost as disconcerting with a golden barrier of heat blocking access to the parlour. Daisy was also fairly certain the maggoty remains and shrieks and yells were a later addition and probably not part of the original design. Roland had just disappeared up stairs when he shouted down,'hey Skids come up here a second I think it would be safer if we kept together' Skids promptly pulled out a surprisingly clean looking derringer and disappeared upstairs leaving Daisy on her own armed with a large book.

"Men, typical", she muttered before shouting upstairs, " you boys found anything yet". Naturally they hadn't.  After pin cushioning a stream of disgusting rats she made her way downstairs where a ghastly carcass was hanging from the ceiling dripping into a bucket. She inched round shouting upstairs,

"you realise only Neanderthals and butchers handle meat like this nowadays? Can't you eat in a restaurant or take a cut of meat like the rest of us"

she carried on  mumbling under her breath before noticing a ghastly figure rising from the corner. Her scream was loud and brought the men running. At the sight of this creature Skids made another of his impromptu unpleasant clouds before Roland tried to hit it with a stick failing repeatedly.

Daisy wasn't sure what it was but she was fairly certain she did not want it near her or her dress. Instead she concentrated on searching the room and tried to ignore the curses as Roland and Skids tried to deal with it.

Singing. She decided singing would help.

"These are a few of my favour"
"kill the bastard",
"ite things"
"cream coloured ponies and"


"where did that come from!, did you forget you had that in your pocket while you tried to hit it with a stick?"
"crisp apple strudels"
"the bloody thing bit me, I'm bleeding"
"who cares no-one will notice"

Silence. The beast was in a heap in the corner and the boys looked dis-shrivelled. But on the other hand she had found a bucket of ice. Just the thing for that weird barrier although she was somewhat uncertain whether the safe thing to do was to go towards the chanting lunatics.

Roland helped carry the bucket upstairs and it did indeed collapse the barrier. That though seemed to make things worse. An angry red haired woman appeared and started shouting. Skids made another stinky smell, noises of unnatural running could be heard all over the house and finally another beasty made his way out of the house (she briefly considered whether something in the house was coming in or out and resolved to file that under 'things to be discussed when monsters aren't trying to kill you) and rushed towards them.

At a sprint she left the lads who were arguing whilst trying to deal with this latest monstrosity and moved to the parlour. Here the woman gave her an enormous lecture that she managed to ignore before using all her persuasive skills to sell her one of her encyclopaedias and as a bonus recruited her to their cause! It turned out this weirdo (Lita, what kind of name is Lita sounds like she was named after a mispronounced measurement of volume) was trying to stop the weird creatures she referred to as 'ghouls' - Daisy resisted the temptation to look this up as she was fairly certain Ghouls were of Arabic and not North American Origin and instead went back to the hallway where the two lads were failing to do much to stop the large ghoul (she decided to roll with calling them ghouls and perhaps make up a new name later on 'terrifying hairy earth monsters' or THEM for sort seemed workable) .

The drumming of multiple feet was now  getting louder and Lita turned with a look of horror shouting, " they come, prepare yourself!"

Daisy thought a second and propped a door up under the halls primary door. A thud on the other side showed that whatever was coming was not expecting the  door to be in an unopenable state.  The hande worked a couple of times before it also appeared to not be able to take the leap of imagination to break the door down and could then be heard trying to head butt the wall.

Things were also now going better in the room as well. Lita was proving surprisingly useful at giving the boys advice. Or perhaps the boys were more amenable to the advice when it was provided by a young red head with the top three buttons of her shirt undone.

"Hussy" she thought to herself as she tried to look up 'means to eviscerate undead'  in one her dictionaries. 'stakes, garlic, mirrors…no no that's vampires. Silver bullets? Were wolves"

"What - where's the wolf", shouted Roland as he ran by having overheard

"no werewolf, look why not use the gun", no response

Lita, " why not use the gun"

"Brilliant idea!", shouted Roland, " you are full of great ideas. I'm also very good around the house!". Roland pulled out another huge automatic pistol and promptly blew several big holes in the ghoul which collapsed. As it lay there Skids trotted up kicked it in the head before stabbing it and tried to find any pockets he could rob made more difficult by it appearing to wear a sheet with holes in.

"leave that we have to get out now", Lita snapped. As always the boys responded immediately and they all ran out of the back door.

As they stood panting Lita started to beg Roland to let her burn his house down. He seemed reticent though Daisy did wonder what he thought he could do with it - perhaps advertise it in 'undead weekly' , 'all ghoulish modcons!' but in the end he succumbed to the entreaties or the 'chest' and soon the house was burning.

Lita can be persuasive, not quite sure why

This seemed to push Roland over the edge and he collapsed in a gibbering wreck moaning about his Charlie Chaplin collection. Skids meantime appeared to have stolen several of Rolland's clothes and was looking a lot more presentable. HE also appeared to have to have taken the time to grab a quick snack as they left the house and was enjoying a cold collation which including some duck wraps.

Daisy shook her head disapprovingly and got the full story from Lita. It appeared this horror was just the start and terrible things would happen if they did not randomly kidnap or kill several prominent citizens of the town. Something struck her as logically flawed about that - perhaps this would make them notorious as opposed to the people they suspected -  but after what they had just seen she could not exclude the possibility that the tramp was correct. They would  re-organise and take the fight to the enemy the very next day.

The Night of the Zealot - The Ghouls Hunger

The skies were darkening as Daisy James - ace librarian hurried over to the rather grotty old house of the angry detective Roland Banks. She had met him a few days ago when he entered the library to carry out some research on the disappearances that had been occurring all over town. That other man would be there too - 'Skids' he liked to be called though Daisy was unpleasantly conflicted between this referring to his balance, his past luck or perhaps his underwear. He had overheard the discussion whilst being sat in the children's section working his way through a picture book. She couldn't fault him for trying to better himself but certainly could for the lack of hygiene.

The house was in a disreputable section of town - all leaning town houses and rotten wood. You would have thought a detective would have a better income. But perhaps he wasn't that good a detective or he liked living where all the crime was. A tramp leered at her as she scurried past and she held a handily large encyclopaedia against her chest as if to ward him off. The tramp shouted after her, 'hold on I'm coming as well' and she suddenly realised it was Skids climbing up from the pile of newspapers he had presumably been sleeping under.

He attempted to take his hat off before remembering he had not  got one on, "Oh where's the damned hat"

He started searching in the bin behind him," I kept it in here to keep the rain off. Little short of readies at the moment…Do you have any", he pulled a battered fedora fishing out some chicken he appeared to have stored in it for a snack.

"You know, it's not that I don’t enjoy our little talks, it's just I don't", she turned and stalked off hoping he wouldn’t follow which of course he did.

What was worse is that he promptly started nattering and laughing at his own jokes. Apparently he had just got out of jail and was expecting trouble. To prove his organisation he started pulling out a large array of objects from his many pockets. This included several alarmingly violent items and some less so including a cork screw and what appeared to be inappropriate photographs of some disrobed Chinese ladies along with some toilet roll.

"Wonderful" she thought, "equipped for every eventuality"

"What about you."

"What about me"

"You must have come prepared"

"Prepared for what? We are having a meeting and I have discovered several really fascinating books that will shine a new light on the situation I am sure. "

"Books? What use will a book be if something tries to kill you. Or are you expecting to rely on me?"

She looked him over contemptuously, "It’s a meeting in a house. Owned by a detective"

"hmph PI, thrown out of the police force"

"You don’t know that"

"I do. I am much acquainted with law enforcement in this here town"

The conversation thankfully ended at that point as they arrived. With some distaste she studied the house. Circa 1800 she guessed. Never a good part of town and it had gotten considerably worse since being built by what appeared to be mad dwarves with quality control issues. She wondered briefly what had attracted him to this area and from the dress code of some of the local 'ladies' made some reasonable guesses.  Skids in the meantime appeared to be working out escape routes as they waited for their host to arrive.

Finally the door creaked open and Roland Banks appeared. It had taken long enough as they had been propositioned twice and had a small child throw what appeared to be faecal matter at them. Luckily it had missed and hit the house where it appeared to make no difference to its appearance or smell.

Roland took them straight up to his study which was covered with newspapers and reports. At least the inside of the house looked better than the outside.

The tale begins

Greetings! this quick and cheerful blog will be following the extremely good LCG game from Fantasy Flight Games - Arkham Horror. Currently I suspect the majority will be spoiler filled stories concerning my gaming groups exploits and eventually card discussions and anything else that I fancy. Anyway enjoy! or not.